'da fuck is going on ?

00:37 a.m. ... I just got home from a bar-be-que with some friends, and after a couple of glasses of wine, I remembered that I hadn't written anything for quite a while now. And ironically, my last post back in February was titled "I'm back !" and it was supposed to be my return to writing after the mid-year examinations at uni. But a lot has changed since then. The second semester has come and gone, I finished my thesis, and also my final examinations at uni and winter is long gone and the scorching summer sun is out ... not right now of course but you know what I mean ...

For starters, I'm not even a university student any more now. And that is quite sad actually cos I had gotten used to the idea and now after four years it feels quite strange not to be anything. I haven't even got a job yet, so that makes the situation even worse. But I'm not really worried about it to be honest since I am starting a masters degree in September, but lets not go there for now. So yeah ... basically everything is changing around me and right now I feel like a kids top spinning all over the place. I am about to leave this island in a couple of months, I have no job (or decent financial income for that matter), my car is in the shop for some reason or another, and I got a bazillion other random things going on ... 

00:56 a.m. ... Nineteen minutes later and I barely managed to write two paragraphs. I'm listening to some really cool deep house music actually. Just got to know about this really cool dj, "Ten Walls" and cannot stop listening to his track called "Walking with Elephants", one can listen to it ... its the following YouTube vid.

But anyway, I'm quite impressed by how anti-climatic life after uni is. I always imagined the moment that I would "finally leave uni" to something big and that afterwards life would be perfect. The budgie in the .gif below was actually how I thought finishing my finals at uni and leaving would be. But it wasn't. Its true that I got drunk and had an awesome two weeks at the beach and partying and so on ... but now that I am at home and have some time to reflect, it's definitely not what I imagined it to be and life is far from perfect. Most of my friends already found jobs, others are planning to do their respective masters degrees just as I am however, we're all gonna be at different universities, which means that we won't be seeing much of each other after the summer.

And the lack of money right now is also seriously affecting me. I mean, how the fuck can a soon-to-be-22-year old engineering graduate with an addiction to partying and going out live with €0, actually no, less than that ... damn that visa card ... oh well, something will come up as it always has. 

01:17 ... Fuck this shit, I'm tired after spending the afternoon by the sea (see photo to the left) I'm feeling quite tired, and this wine definitely isn't helping. Its been a nice weekend though, I nailed my thesis presentation, got drunk, England lost their game against Urugay ... and sadly so did Italy against Costa Rica. Ffs, I got fed up even of ranting about how mediocre the life of a student gets after said student finishes and until he/she finds something else to do next. I seriously don't know when I'll write anything new after today, since laziness is seriously deepinging its claws in my skin and affecting me even more every day. And like a 1950's Looney Tunes cartoon, I'm ending this post ...

 

I'm back !

Hey everyone, I'm back ! Well I wasn't anywhere in particular to be honest, however its been quite a while since I last wrote something. However, and I cannot stop emphasizing on this point ... IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. Blame the infamous University of Malta for what happened to me ... It was a tougher semester than I expected it to be and I honestly swear that I didn't have any free time to write! I even had to quit going to the gym, and even out of the house to manage to make time for my academic commitments.

So what have I been up to ? Actually quite a lot ! I managed to do five assignments, six laboratory reports, six exams, an interview ... and I still got two more interviews left, but I can officially say that the first semester of my fourth year at university has come to an end ... just one more left to get that degree! 

But I have to admit, there was a bit more to it than academic material. I went on holiday with one of my best mates, Nathan. We went for a weekend back to Nottingham, where I was doing my Erasmus exchange semester last year. And it was an AWESOME weekend ! We met with some very good friends of mine, Darren, Davynya and Arjun and others from all over the world and it seriously felt good to be back there for a couple of days. I seriously didn't want to come back! But there was no other choice, and after a great weekend full of booze, pretty English ladies, ice-skating and archery, we had to come back to face the exam period. 

Then came Christmas and New Year's, for which I cannot really complain about it because it was all about going out and having fun at the several open-bar parties we went to. Although, it still feels weird writing 2014 rather than 2013. Its always like that, as soon as I get used to writing one particular date, boom new year's is upon us and I have to get used to the new number. New Year's Eve was quite fun actually! Me and my classmates spent it at a small club in Mellieha and I actually couldn't ask for anything better.

And apart from those two main events, there were a ton of other, such as the Annual Grad Ball, which even though I am not a graduate yet, I still attended, because, what the hell, why not? And also came Nathan's Birthday, and oh, I nearly forgot to mention ... I GOT CONDITIONALLY ACCEPTED FOR MY MASTERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NOTTINGHAM !! I was so happy when I read the letter, wings were about to spurt out from my back and I'd have flown out of the window haha :-) 

But now, back to routine ... this semester shouldn't be that bad. I only got three subjects to study, and a thesis to finish! And I am going to attend Tango lessons ... don't judge me ... its something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. Hopefully, I'll manage to do everything as planned, and by December I'll be graduating with the rest of my fellow classmates.

Anyways, I'm off to watch a movie now, and tomorrow back to the gym :-3 ... I know, this post wasn't really about anything interesting, just me rambling about what I've been up to lately but I don't care, I wanted to share :-) See you around guys and dolls ! 

Plough the fields ...

Last week I was really really unlucky. After a long day, last Tuesday, I finally got home in  the evening but soon after, started shivering like a mad man ... and it was the start of three damned days locked up in my room at home due to a sinus infection. But in those three days, which I wasted just watching movies ... a LOT of movies, read a bit from a book .. .and the rest just had nothing to do except think. And the thought that was hogging most of the area in my brain was about the boredom that struck as soon as I couldn't do any of the other stuff with which usually I fill my day. And that got me thinking, about how that even though that we complain a lot about work and most of our daily chores, without them we would actually be much much worse.

What's wore than waiting for an entire day to pass just looking at the whitewashed ceiling of a room while on a freakin' bed! At least, when you go to work, or to some random boring lecture at university, or even just do something that normally we'd consider as annoying, time is passing quicker and you;d be able to say that you did something at the end. And I realized that even  though we all complain about work and stuff, without we'd all be more lost than not.

Several philosophers, and eventually psychologists, came to the conclusion that humans need a reason to live, and the very basic reason is to do something satisfactory with one's life.  The feeling of being able to say "Yes, I did that." no matter how trivial it is, at least you got a purpose in life, and no matter how small, one would have made something with their own existence. Even by itself, work keeps up fit and mentally healthier than others who do not do anything. In Maltese we say "ix-xogħol salmura tal-ġisem" or "work is the body's preservative" ... but then I also have to admit how that saying ends in "imma l-għażż, balzmu tal-Madalena" which translates to "but lazyness is life's sweet nectar".

Anyways, all I'm trying to say is that, unlike a few days ago, I realised the importance of keeping busy and doing something useful with oneself rather than stay there and do nothing! It keeps you sane ...

Insecurities

It has been an amazingly hectic week, and only now I got some time to sit down and write something. Actually its been since this morning that I've been looking at the blank screen on my laptop for more than a couple of hours, trying to think of something to write about, and I seriously could not get any ideas, until a little earlier. It just occurred to me that it is nice to waste time and do nothing, occasionally. Probably you are thinking that I am just a teeny weeny crazy for saying so, since a few weeks ago I was iterating and re-iterating in my previous blog posts, that one should not waste time ...  and seize the day .. and so on and so forth ... bla bla blah ...

However, after having an extremely long week, jam packed with lectures, assignments, lab sessions, thesis work and a billion other academic activities and tasks to do, I felt like my brain needed a break from everything and just enjoy the simplicity of doing nothing and having an actual break. Even the usual television series that I usually follow, felt like too much to handle and I just wanted to lie down on my bed and do nothing. But how did we end up having such a hectic life style?

Usually after the kind of question I just asked in the paragraph above, I'd write something meaningful, such as historical origins; where, who and why came up with a particular notion. Today, I honestly do not have any answers. I tried looking up such stuff, but I failed miserably. I have to admit I have spent the entire day trying to come up with something that makes sense, and after that I ate lunch, took a nap, went to Ryan's Pub for some quality time with my friends, look at them on the photo on the right; and came back ... and I think I'm on to something.

I honestly am not sure if its only me or everyone else, but I have to admit that the reason why I jam-pack my schedule with more tasks to do than it is humanly possible to perform, is  because I am scared of being alone and doing nothing. But what do I mean by scared and alone? Its not that I am terrified of the dark, or anything on those lines; its just that the idea of being in a quiet place by myself, and thus being able to listen to my inside voice (which some people call conscience) scares me. And this only means one thing, that I did, or am doing, something wrong, that deep down I know that I shouldn't have done. What this thing is, its actually irrelevant, all I know is that its there and that I should deal with it, deal with myself.

On my way back here from Ryan's Pub tonight, I was alone in my car and for once I didn't put on any music, which gave me some time to think about what is really going on in my life. And I realised what its actually so terrifying. Its not the silence, it not something I did in the past, be it a long time ago or recently, its just that I do not have any guarantee about what's going to happen in the future. Up till now, whether I admit or not, my life was quite planned out ... primary school, followed by secondary school, followed by sixth form, followed by university ... but now, now that I am in my final year at university, what's next?

I'd like to say that I know what's about to happen next ... but the truth is that I do not have a fuckin' clue. Maybe a Master's degree, maybe not ... maybe abroad, or maybe here in Malta ... who knows? And I have to admit, I'd rather "die" of doing a lot of things, that not know what's going to happen next, but then again, we aren't supernatural beings to know what's going to happen in the future, and just have to accept that fact, whether we like it or not. I've been honest today, about what's really scaring me right now in my life ... and what about you? Is the future scaring you .... ?

Occam's Razor

I think it has happened to all of us when a simple problem is sometimes misunderstood by anyone, even ourselves, and instead of finding the simple solution, one would deliberate about the problem and what to do about it for hours and days. And after a long time of deliberation, to avoid making a rash decision and risk making the situation worse, one would eventually realize that the best solution would have been the simplest one since the problem itself would not have been as half as complicated as on thought. And that is it, usually when we are faced with  a problem we tend not to analyse the problem, but  to over-analyse ... and make it look bigger than it actually is ... and exaggerate ... and imagine problems where there aren't ... and panic! 

One of the subjects I am studying at university is the science of how to apply mathematical models to basically anything we see around us every day and thus, study and analyse how the particular object or action behaves over space and time, using such mathematical models. And similarly to dealing with everyday problems, one can do the same kind of mistake in this subject, when considering to many details that affect a behaviour or process or object, than what is actually needed and thus complicating the math too much. And it was then when the lecturer told us about how to "keep things simple" in an eloquent way, quoting William of Ockham. 

It was in the early 14th century, that the English friar, theologian and philosopher, William of Ockham, the weird looking dude shown in stained glass on the right, came up with a simple concept that is actually to deal with problems. Born in Ockham, Surrey, in the year 1287, he joined the Franciscan friars at a very young age, and studied theology at the University of Oxford. He was a very good scholar at the time and was given the nickname of Doctor Invincibilis, or Unconquerable Teacher as it is translated to English. After several arguments with the pope of the time, he was accused of heresy because of some of his ideas, and eventually was excommunicated.

"Numquam ponenda est pluralitas sine necessitate". Plurality must never be posited without necessity. That rather complex sentence with big words, translated from Latin, only means that we should shave-off everything that is too complicated, but not what it is necessary, before dealing with a problem. And that line of thought is known as Occam's Razor. By the way, I honestly have no clue why it is referred to as "Occam" when it is clearly documented by historians that William was from "Ockham". I guess there was a typo along the way which nobody actually felt like ever fixing. And its makes perfect sense, why consider all the complications of the world where we can deal with the simple parts of a problem to solve it anyway? But then, we should also not over-simplify anything. Occam's razor specifically says to not include complications, but this holds only as long as they are not necessary. Later on, after the time of William of Ockham, other philosophers and mathematicians, such as Isaac Newton and Bertrand Russell, asserted the same school of thought, and the principle is still used today in philosophy and mathematics.

And I, even though I am a nobody, believe that the same principle can be applied into use for every day life. Everyday we are faced with a ton of problems, most of which are trivial and solvable in seconds, however others would be quite a challenge to deal with them. Tackling a problem is a very good thing, rather than leaving it to accumulate with others that one would haven't dealt with. Yet the most important is not to panic, as this robot on the left is telling you, and the simpler one keeps said problem, the easier it will be to deal with it!

P.S.: Sigur Rós's music video of Hoppípolla below has nothing to do with Occam's Razor, its just that the song is awesome and I wanted to share it somewhere else rather than the usual Facebook and Twitter. :-) 

Centre of Gravity

I grew up in this small town in the south of this island, with a population of less than 19,000 people, where we got more Italian channels on TV rather than local ones, where everyone knew everything and/about everyone else in town, and also where different stores were still catering for different items and the first supermarket didn't open up before I was at least ten years of age. We had (and still have) a couple of grocery stores, a computer store, a pharmacy, a couple of clothes stores, so on and so forth. And if anyone needed anything, they'd just go to the store that sold it ... it cannot really get simpler than this. 

However, something quite interesting that happened to me last week. I was working on my laptop when my mother told me how she needed to buy a particular shampoo. I also realised that it is high time I bought a mouse for my laptop, and also a new pair of jeans. The thing is, if it were fifteen years ago one would absent mindedly just head out the door, go around town to the different stores, buy the stuff and head back home.  However, even though that roughly the same stores that were open in town fifteen years ago, are still open today, instead of all of this, I just opened a new tab in my web browser ... hit a couple of keys on my laptop ... eBay, Amazon, ASOS ... and after entering the magic 16-digit number, it was done. And this morning, I woke up to find everything delivered to my door step.

I'm sure everyone has done the above more than just once or twice, it has become the norm and one of the most common things to do without even thinking about it. But no one can ignore the fact that the dynamics of society are changing, where a lot of people do not go out to the store any more but simply buy their stuff online and have it delivered. And with that, the contact with the outside world is always being more and more restricted ... at the store, one would run into the neighbour or an acquaintance and exchange a couple of words, but now, the most communication one would have if they would be on Facebook chat with someone else while shopping online. We all agree that society is changing, due to various reasons mainly the development of new and better technologies for everyday use. All over the world, people are calling this progress, but is it truly progress? Are we going for the better, or for the worse? 

During last week's edition of Swag FM, my friends played a particular song that made me think more about all of this. Cerco un centro di gravita` permanente, che non mi faccia mai cambiare idea sulle cose sulla gente ... that is what the sixty eight year old, Italian artist, Franco Battiato, sings in his 1982 single Centro di Gravita Permanente. For all the non-italian speaking people reading this post, that translates to "I am looking for a permanent centre of gravity, that doesn't ever shift my opinion of thing and people". But in modern day society, one does not simply do that. We're in a society that is constantly changing and as a result, it becomes quite difficult to establish such a centre of gravity. Was Franco Battiato aware that society had started to change back then when he was writing the lyrics for his song?

With the development and evolution of the internet and wireless devices in the past few years, nowadays its all about being connected. Adverts are not seen on the TV, radio and the newspaper only, but on web pages as well. And a lot of money is spent so that one does not see random adverts on the internet, but only adverts regarding items of interest. People no longer gather outside a store and look at items and ask for advice about it in person; but now all of this happens online and reviews are read on fora while the items are rated on the sales websites.

This also limits the amounts of human-to-human contact one used to have when buying something, now everything is done on a laptop and contact with anyone else is basically zero. The internet has brought us closer together, creating a global village, in which people are only a couple of reception bars away on Skype from anywhere around the world and where thanks to networks like CNN and BBC, nowadays news travels faster than ever before, crossing the world in just  a matter of minutes. People from all over the world do not develop in different ways their society but since we are connected to one single network, society's ideas are becoming more and more the same all over the world. And its not only ideas, even businesses and sport and products ... one can find the McDonalds, football (or soccer for people on the other side of the Atlantic pond) and the iPod all over the globe.

So in what can we fix our respective centre of gravities, that does not shift our opinion on things and people? A few years ago, people did not need to do anything of the sort since the traditions and norms of their respective societies rarely changed, and when they did ... change was very slow. But now it is not so any more and because the norms and values of modern day society are changing rapidly, some people try to fix their centre of gravities in religion, others in the love and the relationships around them, while others do so in their personal experiences that might have had a big impact on them through out their life ... in my case, like Franco Battiato, I am still looking for something, to anchor me down and to fix my opinions and views about things and people so that they do not change with the values of society. And what about you ... do you have a permanent centre of gravity ?

Querstromzerspaner

As some of you might know, I am quite a big fan of electronic music, in particularly techno, electro, house and similar genres. A couple of months ago, 3rd August to be exact, was this long awaited night in which a party featuring the local legend Junior B was held. Like me, many of my friends were really excited and in the few days before the party, we had a group chat on Facebook where most of us were posting several links from YouTube containing some cool tracks. One of the links was LFO's remix of T. Raumschmiere's, "Querstromzerspaner". Yes, the word actually is querstromzerspaner. I am emphasising this because the idiot of a spell checker on my laptop is constantly underlining the word in red, and asking me whether I want to write "neurotransmitter" instead. Anyway, I have to admit, I had never heard the track before but I immediately loved it, and was fascinated by what the word actually meant. The thumbnail on YouTube only had the image of a nuke being detonated which kept changing colour from one hue to another. Here you go, you can listen to the track from the YouTube link below. Just a heads up, not all readers will appreciate this track due to its particular genre.

Curiosity killed the cat, they say, and even though it did not kill me, it sure did a hell of a job on me. I was seriously intrigued by what this word, which took me quite a while to learn how to pronounce, actually meant. And thank god for the Internet! T. Raumschmiere, whose actual name is Marco Haas, is a 38-year old German DJ, known for his aggressive electro-pop style. But I still haven't answered the original question, what on earth is a querstromzerspaner? ... the stupid spell checker is still obsessed with calling it a neurotransmitter. The answer is very simple, it is a grinding machine, like the one shown in the picture on the left of the paragraph below. Stuff, usually rubbish, is thrown in and then it comes out from the other side, shredded into tiny pieces. This brute of a machine is able to grind nearly anything one can imagine to dust.

So why on earth would one name a music track after a grinding machine? I think I can actually understand that. Well, I am 100% positive that we all sometimes feel really really frustrated and angry, due to various reasons, and would want to make a massacre of anything in the path of our wrath. It could be either a crappy day at work, or some bad news would have arrived or even just someone around us would get on our nerves and make us see red. And thank god that none of us are the same and there is diversity among us, and as some people would let go of their nerved by having a smoke or going for a jog or do some sport, others like me would vent their frustration and nerves in music, whether its just listening to it or even making it.

The destructive side of the idea where a grinding machine turning everything that is thrown into it to tiny bits and pieces certainly appeals to a lot of people, with myself being one of such a crowd. But one must not let their nerves and anger take control over them, but actually the other way round, people should be in control of their emotions, anger and nerves. And eventually it all boils down to those two simple words, anger management. Nearly all of the anger management programmes offered in society revolve around the idea to channel the negative emotions and use them to make something constructive and positive. If only that would happen, a lot of the violence occurring in the world around us would certainly become obsolete.

And to conclude I just have a final question/suggestion, the next time you feel frustrated and angry why not listen to some hard music, and channel the anger to make something constructive out of it, instead of just make a scene or try to destroy anything in your path? Do not be a querstromzerspaner!