Limbo

So yeah, like many other people, I've said it all before ... its 2015, we're all connected, the Internet is a wonder, we're all lost in technology and we lost basic knowledge about human interaction, bla bla bla ... the usual bullshit. However, I've just realized that there is a grey area in between the modern idea of having everyone, from all over the world, within reach from your phone, to the older, pre-telephone idea, that distance means that you'll never see someone ever again.

The Internet, with all its wonders, starting from cats farting rainbows and ending with ... I'd rather not say what I stumbled upon the other night, in one of those scary corners of YouTube ... is one if the best magicians ever. 

The first trick of magic is that it is all an illusion. And the Internet, being the great magician that it is, creates a really good illusion for you. It provides you with the means to communicate with people that are physically far away from you. It makes you think that everything is normal, that both of you are still as close as when you used to meet up every other day, and that every time you either Skype or FaceTime with each other, its as if you were meeting up face-to-face at the pub or a restaurant.

And, that's how it gets you. You think it is the same as before, that nothing is going to change... but its not. And yet you don't realize. And slowly, the faults start to show, but you would be in denial. You wouldn't text as much as you used to, but you'd ignore it. Finding time to Skype or FaceTime slowly becomes harder and harder, but you'd justify it. And you'd manage to justify it with all sorts of excuses, from being busy at work, to being out with some mates or even just being too tired. And you'd genuinely believe all of those excuses, that's the beauty of the illusion.

That is how it starts, the beginning of the end. Then it ends, and its OK. You think you can handle it. Its not as if it is the first time you've been through this. And it is THEN, that the worst happens. Because now, in this day and age, a clean break doesn't exist any more. There is always that temptation to call, or to text ... to somehow reach out, still with the illusion that somehow, everything can still be saved, even though you are a million miles away, and in reality there is no hope.

And then you realise that, and you say it to yourself, and you even manage accept it, for a few hours. Then it's as if the Internet, and all of its minions, have hatched a collective plan against you. Your Facebook news feed reminds you, but you keep scrolling. WhatsApp shows you that contact once again, yet you manage to close the app. Skype shows you that she's just logged in, but you manage ignore it. And after making all kinds of mental sacrifices to get through the day, and actually manage not fall into any temptation, that one song pops up on your iPod as it is on shuffle, and there you have it, a bucket of ice cold reality just soaked you from head to toes, and you realize that you're back to square one. 

I know what you are going to tell me ... yes, its true, you can change your settings to hide their updates here and there. But lets be realistic, if its not Facebook, its WhatsApp, or Instagram, or Twitter, or Skype, or some fucking-stupid-app-that-you-would-have-even-forgotten-that-you-had-installed. 

And it is then, that you realise that, that at least for the time being, you are stuck in limbo. That you are too far away to make it work, and yet, still too connected to move on.

Thank you, Internet. Thank you.

Wonderful Things Happened Here

September. September is a special month. Through out my whole life, September was  always the month which represented the start of something new, be it a new academic year with the same friends, being going to a new country, or, as in this case, moving to a new city and starting off a new adventure. And for that, September has also been exciting, the start off an adventure, new beginnings every time.

However, September also represents a time of goodbyes. I am writing this post as I am walking randomly about the campus of the University of Surrey, where basically I just spent my whole year. And what a year it has been! From Surrey to Berlin, from satellites to card games, well ... we basically did everything. And I have to say that this, being the last day on campus, is the hardest of them all. I cannot put into words how much I am going to miss everything about this place, but most importantly, miss the amazing people that I met here.

Amongst the highlights of the year were a trip to Emerald Isle for St Patrick's Day, the countless nights playing briscola or scopa in our tiny kitchen, a crazy trip to the techno capital of the world, Berlin, randomly fishing in the university lake or doing some out of the blue bee keeping, all those times we cooked and had dinner together, and with each dinner, obviously there came a couple bottles of wine ... the countless hours of laughter we spent together saying the most random things that could ever cross one's head, it was all of this that turned Surrey from just another university, into a second home. The lake, the lawns, the trees and houses are all replaceable, and realistically the location doesn't really matter at all. Its who you're with that counts. And it was all of these special moments, each with their own simplicity, that will always be in my heart.

When I first got to Surrey, I saw this phrase written all over the place: "Wonderful things happen here". And at first I thought it was such a pretentious thing to say, but twelve months later, as heartbroken as I am to leave this place and these friends, I have to say that wonderful things do happen here, and they are as wonderful as they can ever get.

To paraphrase Eduardo Galeano, "[one] never really says goodbye, [one] says, 'See you later.'" And I am quite sure that this is the case here with all of us. September might be the month where we are saying out goodbyes, but all the other months of the year represent the opportunity to say 'Hello' again, and to me, that will be the most important thing of them all.

It was an amazing year, which I am definitely going to cherish forever, but as I also said in the beginning, September is also the month of new beginnings, and with that thought, the story continues ... in Birmingham.

P.S. Song of the day, after Francesca got me addicted to it ... is this:

The Bird, the Cow and the Coyote

Its been a while since I last wrote anything. First it was exams, then it was going home on holiday, then this and that .. to cut the long story short it was an eventful couple of months. But today, after a solid eight hours of swearing at my laptop and banging my head against the desk, in the futile attempt of getting some thesis work done, I decided to fuck it and take a break. So, I went back  to watch one of my all time favourite movies from since I was a kid. This is the Sergio Leone's, 1973 spaghetti western comedy, "My Name is Nobody", or in the original Italian, "Il Mio Nome e' Nessuno", starring Terence Hill and Henry Fonda. 

Before I keep on rambling, I'd like to point out how the soundtrack to this movie, by Ennio Morricone, is amazingly calm and nice to listen to, so here's the link:

In the movie, Terence Hill's character recounts a fable told to him by his grandfather in the 1800s. However, every time I watch this movie, I cannot think of a better story that still applies to the modern times. And so here is my version of the fable ...

"There was once this small bird, who didn't yet know how to fly. This story was happening in the middle of a very cold winter, and this bird was unlucky enough to fall out of his warm nest and onto the freezing ground below. Poor little bird, he was dying of cold, and so he starting doing thing he knew how to do, he started to chirp as loud as he could, for someone to hear him and maybe come help him. Lucky for him, this cow was walking by, and when she saw him there in the cold, she felt really bad for him. But after a while, she came up with a clever and easy way to warm him up. She walked past him, lifted her tail and ... *splat* ... took a massive dump on him. 

The bird was now warm and cosy, and definitely much happier than before. And so he started chirping again, to tell the world how happy he was! His chirping however, didn't go unnoticed. Close by, a coyote was minding his own business, and as soon as he heard the bird's chirping, he quickly came to see what was going on. The moment he got there, he instantly noticed the small bird chirping happily. Being a cunning coyote tat he was, an idea soon popped into his head. He slowly walked up to the still happily chirping bird, grabbed it by the wing ... cleaned it thoroughly and ... *gulp* ... ate him in a single mouthful!"

... and that's it. It is kind of sad when you think about it. At first, one might think that this story is disgusting and quite pointless, however, like many of Aesop's, it had a deeper meaning to it.

If you stop for a bit and think about it for a while, the moral of the story surfaces on its own. It is a reflection on the behaviour of modern day society. As Fonda's character in the movie later on discovers ...

"Not all of the people who throw shit in your direction, do it because they want to hurt you. And sadly, not everyone who pulls you out of, and cleans you from shit, does it because they want to help you. But most importantly, if you're in shit ... shut up and keep it to yourself, before some coyote comes by and eats you before you even realize!"

And with that thought, and all this talk about spaghetti westerns, I'm off to make myself a nice plate of spaghetti!

Another Love

Its once again that time of the year where I am stuck inside with my notes, trying frantically to cram everything in my head just before this next session (and hopefully the last one ever) session of examinations starts. And as per usual, spending more time going through my Facebook news feed rather than actually doing some decent work, something caught my eye. A friend of mine posted a status going something on the lines of:

"What ever happened to romance? Flowers on the first date, pulling the chair out for her, even kissing her hand?! Now it's: show up, eat food, talk, then go on phones and that's about it."

And I had never thought about it before. I don't consider myself to be, or that I ever was for that matter, a romantic person. Actually, I mostly find myself a bit awkward during a first date, or at least, until I gulp down a few glasses of that liquid courage, if you know what I mean. I can be fun, and I'll probably end up paying for dinner and drinks too, but I am not that flowers-giving/chair-pulling/hand-kissing kind of guy.

The first comment on that status read the following: 

"Cos when blokes do it these days, they are considered to be too nice, and thus are put in friend zones."

To be fair, the guy is definitely right. It has happened to nearly most men out there that once we try to be sweet and nice to a woman, we end up in the so called friend-zone, and we lose all chances with said girl. And at first I thought that was it. There's no denying that women are crazy and we're never ever gonna understand what goes on in their heads. Doing a Master's in Space Engineering, and I swear that designing satellites is easier than understanding what's going on in a woman's head.

However, after I thought about it for a little while longer, I realise that even though as crazy as most women may be, in this case its not their fault. Now that I am thinking more about it, (instead of actually doing something useful, like studying for my damned exams!) its our society that is at fault.

Welcome to 2015. We're supposed to be living in an age where we are tolerant, thoughtful, respectful of others and aware of their rights. And yet, we lost the knowledge on how to interact with those around us. We live a life where we're let down so many times, that we build a wall around us, and seal ourselves within it.

And here is the sad truth, here are some reasons why in our society no one gives flowers any more, and neither does anyone pull a chair out for someone or kiss a woman's hand during the first date for that matter. We live in a society where the guy might buy flowers, but because of that he is instantly labelled that he's trying too hard, he doesn't. And this same guy will not pull out a chair for a woman, because if he does so, he might be called sexist for assuming that the woman isn't strong enough to pull it out herself. And finally, this bloke will definitely not kiss her hand, as a woman might consider it "weird" and easily say that he might have "touched" her inappropriately.

We live in a world where we don't trust anyone any more. In a world where whatever other people do, we're always sceptical about their intentions. In a world, where we dare not trust show out true colours because we are afraid that we are going to be judged and shunned by others. And to be fair, who can blame that random John or Jane Smith walking by himself or herself on the pavement in the big city and thinking about these things, as they keep trying to reach out and, like most of us, keep getting let down by the others around them?

I wanna cry and I wanna love,

But all my tears have been used up.

On another love, another love.

Those are the lyrics Tom Odell sings in his song "Another Love". Welcome to 2015, where social media, smart phones and technology connects the world, and yet everyone is the loneliest that they might have ever been!

--- o --- o --- o ---

P.S.: As I was writing this post, my friend Andre "Maus" Micallef kept bugging me to be mentioned. And so here's a shout out, dude, I didn't forget hah!

No Place Like Home

So now it's been approximately 7 months that I've been living in the UK, and just as I return from a short holiday in Malta, I had time to think through a lot of stuff which before, I took completely for granted and thought I has already understood.

It may have been the post-Student's Fest blues which hit me like a brick (like every single year so far), but still, this shed a light on several things I didn't know about myself. I used to hear other people quoting the famous proverb, "no man is an island" and I used to laugh at them deep down. I used to think that that meant that one was dependant on others, and that that made someone less of a man, so-to-speak.

However, I think that now I have a better understanding of what that saying actually means. I realized that I fear being alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I am afraid of the everyday life doing stuff on my own. But I'm talking about the fact how everyone in life eventually moves on, and the idea of getting eventually excluded out of the social circles currently I'm in, I just realized that it scares me ... quite a lot! And I realize I don't want to turn 35 or 40 and realize that I'd have traded my friends, family and any potential relationships away in favour of a career. Career pays the bills and support the lifestyle, but its friends and family that support someone into achieving their goals in life.

Now, after spending a whole week at home, where I literally spent all the time with either my family or my friends, them being either old ones or new, coming back to the UK feels a bit weird, knowing that there isn't the same lifestyle we Maltese are used to. I do love it here, with Central London being just a mere half hour away, whilst doing something I enjoy, with some pretty cool people who quickly became really good friends too, but I guess home is always home, and one should keep a place in their heart for it no matter what, for there is no place like it.

To all the folks on that rock in the middle of the Mediterranean that we call home, I miss you! And I am quite sure, I'll see you all again soon. ;)

P.S.: It's been 4 days now cannot get this track out of my head !!

Je Suis Charlie

This blog post is dedicated to the twelve victims of the terrorist attack by Islamic extremist militants on the offices of the Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris,on the morning of the 7th January, 2015.

A week ago, I confidently say that most of us were out, at some party or another, wishing each other a "Happy New Year" with a bottle of champagne still in our hands after the countdown had just reached midnight. Sadly enough, after just seven days, we have to admit that this was not a happy start to the new year at all. 

Its impossible to not have noticed by now ... it was all over the news, any news of any country and it was all over the social media with #JeSuisCharlie too. Yesterday morning, three masked gunmen stormed the offices of the Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris with sub-machine guns, where they killed several members of staff, and also some policemen which had arrived on site. A total of twelve people were killed in the terrorist attack, and another eleven people were wounded. This launched a huge manhunt by the French authorities to locate, neutralise and arrest the terrorists. The younger of the three, and eighteen year old, surrendered himself to the police later on during the day after the terrorist attacks, however the other two, are still on the run.

But lets get back into perspective, the point about this post it not to report the news, but to raise awareness about what's going on in our world. 

What is Charlie Hebdo ?

Charlie Hebdo is (not sure if  I should say was over here but anyway) an anti-religious, left wing, satirical weekly magazine published in France. This magazine mostly criticises religion, right-wing politics, socio-economics with regards to current affairs and any hot-topics by publishing caricatures, cartoons and jokes about the subject. Most of the population knows how to handle satirical criticism, and we have grown to accept it as part of our daily lives especially when it deals with politics. Its kind of our way of taking serious matters with a pinch of salt, and be more relaxed about them.

However, as this might seem very normal in our society, it is not for other places. For these extremist Islamists, this was a serious insult, and they had already made several death threats to the editor of the Charlie Hebdo magazine, who was living under police protection (not that it made any difference in the end, except for the murders of the policemen themselves too). 

Why did this terrorist attack have such a reaction?

But one might ask, "We hear of terrorist attacks and car bombs and other stuff every week, why is this to different than the others?" It is very different! When the people murdered were mentioned on the news by name, that really made it more real than in other situations. 

These journalists were of an older age than one might imagine (two of them were in their seventies), and they are known people in the French community. For generations they had made people laugh every week with their caricatures and also on other media such as television and radio. They represented humour itself, and the barbaric killing of these beloved cartoonists with sub-machine guns, some of which at point blank range, was what shocked the world.

What has this world come to?

Cartoonists around the world quickly expressed their reactions to the attack with their own cartoons. Argentinian Bernardo Erlich drew the image on the left, which has a very powerful message. The text says, "The world has become so serious, that humour is a risky profession". And he is quite right to say so. We have already seen this, not more than a couple of weeks ago, with the cyber-attacks on the film-making giant Sony. This company was attacked by North Korean hackers for the making of The Interview, a movie which pokes some fun at the country's dictatorial leader. 

Maybe it's just me, but as time goes by, these issues remind me more and more of an Orwellian society, something out of a dystopian movie or novel, where even people's thoughts are controlled by the central authorities in power. And realistically that's what it is. These jornalists were so brutally killed, because with their cartoons, they were shedding a light on the fallacies of religion (not just Islam), and for these extremists, this is not acceptable. 

A picture is worth a thousand words, and with their images the members of staff of Charlie Hebdo were showing some people how to think for them selves and how to be able to criticise the authorities, something which for Islamist extremists and their leaders (such as IS in Iraq and Syria or the Taliban in Afghanistan) is completely unacceptable, since as a consequence, they might lose the power that they would have achieved by wrong interpretations of the Islamic religion. In George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty Four, the third motto of the party is "Ignorance is Strength". And that's what it is in this case, the ignorance of the people is the strength of those ruling them, and from what we have seen yesterday morning in the streets of Paris, they are ready to do everything so that this doesn't change. 

What are the implications ?

This is a direct threat to our freedom of opinion and freedom of expression. We live in a world where it appears to be that it is becoming riskier and riskier to say your own opinions and show the truth to the masses. There are too many people who would lose if the masses were to know certain truths, and thus they eliminate those trying to show said truth to the masses. Freedom of expression is one of the most important pillars of our modern day society and we must not let anyone take that away from us, as the great writer and philosopher Voltaire once said, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." They did not just attack Charlie Hebdo, they are attacking all of us. 

#JeSuisCharlie   #solidarité

Cheers, for a great '15 !

2nd January ... and now the festive season is coming to an end. I know it is late but I have been incredibly busy in the last two weeks. Some family members and friends of mine came over and thus I was all day giving them tours of London and Guildford and also spending the nights out drinking. But now that they all left, it feels a bit weird. I find my self alone in my room, listening to a great piece of unfinished music, Mozart's Requiem, and it feels as if everything went by so fast. Not just the festive season, not the past few months that I have been living here, but the whole of '14.

I had been preparing myself that '14 was going to be a big year, full of changes, writing a dissertation, graduating, moving away from Malta, starting an M.Sc. degree (I did not even know what M.Sc. course I was gonna take last year, let alone imagine myself here in Guildford). But most of it has been for the good and I am happy for it, some stuff could have gone differently, but what the hell, nothing everything goes as planned. 

The last couple of months were great, some of by best friends came by to visit, both in November, and also in the last week, and this gave me a small something to think about. Friendships. Most of us take them for granted. I realize that I did when I lived in Malta, especially because in a country so small one is bound to run into one another at some point. But now that I moved to Guildford and my best friends are either in Malta or in other parts of the UK, I realize that if one takes friendships for granted and doesn't work for them, those same friendships, go back to being acquaintances. And for that I immensely appreciate it when friends take time and spend money to come all the way over here and spend some time. I also grew to appreciate how important it is to have friends, especially when you move away and find yourself in a new country. And for that, I am thankful that I made new friends over here in Guildford. As an important proverb says, "No man is an island".

Amongst all of it's ups and downs, there is no denying that graduation was the climax of '14, because finally the fruit of four years of hard work at the University of Malta finally were reaped, in one amazingly fun weekend back on the island in the beginning of December. And for that I acknowledge that I couldn't have done it on my own, and for which I thank my friends and family, for making those four years more than just academic but more of an experience, and also my family for all the support they gave me. Hopefully, this year would be as successful academically, and getting that M.Sc. would be the result of my time over here.

'14 saw a lot of events happening around the world too, with the major events being all a bit disappointing and not in any way leading to making the world a better place, such the Ukraine crisis, IS crisis in Iraq and Syria, fighting in Libya, several airline tragedies, further economic turmoil and many more.

Hopefully, '15 would be even more successful than '14, and not just for me but for all of my friends, either those who are still about to graduate, or those in search of a [better] job, or even just getting that promotion they worked so hard for. For those who are looking for something else, maybe involving matters of the heart, I wish you all the best of luck. For the rest of the world, I hope agreements would be sorted out, technology advances and accident numbers go down. I hope for economic recovery where it is greatly needed, eradication of poverty, diseases are controlled and cured, more tolerance is shown towards others, and last but definitely not least, to achieve some more steps and open dialogues for world peace while ceasefires and peace treaties would be signed. 

And with reaching the 8th part of Mozart's Requiem, Communio: Lux Aeterna, I will conclude today's post. I know that I am a bit late to wish a Merry Christmas, since now it it's been nearly a week and a half that it passed, but I definitely hope that will be the case for everyone next December. Still, I am in time to wish every single one of you reading this post a very happy and successful year.

Cheers everyone ... for a great '15 !

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Mozart's Requiem is available below.